What do You Say?

What do you say to someone who has lost a loved one?  What do you say?  It seems that the majority of the world is without knowledge in this area.  I know how you react.  You get solemn and then you are overwhelmed with pity, empathy.  I didn't want any of that.  I don't know how everyone else feels, maybe they want people to pity them.  I spent the first months after my mother's death not wanting to tell anyone who wasn't a friend; co-workers, etc...I didn't want those eyes of pity. 

The most important thing to do is to simply reach out and let the person know that you are there and accessible.  You are there.  That is all they want to know.  The time is confusing, overwhelming, emotionally draining, etc.  Don't expect too much in return, just let them know you are there and thinking of them and that is all they really need and if they need more, they will ask because you made yourself accessible. 

Beyond that remember that the grief doesn't evaporate it will likely be a lifetime before they get over it.  There is nothing or no one to replace what they lost and they are adjusting to life without them.  You do not need to be syrupy sweet and understanding, just know that they may be a little off kilter and don't worry about it too much if they tear up once in a while.