A Mother's Day

First Mother's Day without your Mom.  You want to cry, but then you think...almost everyone will lose their Mother, and how many have lost her already.  What a day. I am not a mom, so I have no children to shower me with gifts or a husband to spoil me, just me, myself, and I.

I was out and about today and what I noticed is that so many people were out as families.  It has lead me to a conclusion:  I hate Mother's Day.  It is an excuse that allows us to appreciate our mother's only one day a year.  We should appreciate our mother's every single day. I spent too many years taking for granted the very presence of a woman who loved me unconditionally.  Now she is not here to listen to my days or dry my eyes.  Mother's are priceless, their worth is far above any thing you can buy or experience you can have.  Give your love and appreciation to your mother each every single day.

And You Think You Are Wierd

Today I am going to share with all of you part of my entrance essay for college....enjoy!

As a secondary education mathematics major you find that you are not common.  I sit in classes filled with engineering majors who are working hard and learning so that they can be successful in their careers.  I too wish to be successful in my career, but I know that I will be starting at a significantly lower pay than my classmates.  I could be an engineering major, but I am not passionate about it. I am passionate about teaching mathematics; this complex and detailed discipline that baffles millions, brings some to their knees and others to tears.   I was once one of those students.  Mathematics was difficult for me in elementary school and then in middle school.  It wasn’t until my ninth grade year that I had a teacher that taught me to really love math and I have loved it since.  He unveiled all the mysteries and created a dynamic learning environment. 

Helping people understand mathematics is my passion.  Just this semester I have come to love physics which is simply applied mathematics.  I hope to be a secondary education mathematics major at UMBC and declare a minor in physics.  I plan to teach after receiving my bachelors and continue on and get my masters.  My final educational goal is to complete my doctorate.  In my career, I hope to create dynamic ways of illustrating mathematical concepts and communicating the mathematical language.  I have only recently come to love physics, so my goals within that area are still developing.  The most important goal I have is to never stop learning or teaching.

What a Girl Wants

Today I watched Colin Firth.   I used to love movies, but recently I have found them sort of blah, and I find it a chore to get through a whole one; often spreading it over several days or even weeks.  Today I caught a snip of the movie What a Girl Wants with Colin Firth.  My mother loved Colin Firth.  He was frequently referred to as Mr. Darcy owing to his captivating role as said Mr. Darcy in the BBC film adaptation of Pride and Prejudice.  As I watched the movie and anticipated my mother's favorite scene where he dances in his leather pants in front of the mirror, I began to cry...uncontrollably.  Don't get me wrong I recovered minutes later, but those tears came unbidden and they would not be stopped.

If there was one thing my mother and I had in common it was our love of films.  We would watch them together and it was a rare treat when we would get together and actually see a movie at the theater.  When I was 16 we went to see Sense and Sensibility and I left the theater in tears after seeing Willoughby standing on the hill at Mary Anne's wedding.  My mother was puzzled and a little out of sorts, but it soon became regular commentary to suddenly call out "Willoughby" in a weepy voice which would bring a smile to both our lips.  My mother always said I had a flair for drama.  I have always tried not to rather unsuccessfully.  

So I miss my dear Mama, my Mumby...my Mum...all of these names came from a film and they were all adapted to fit her, because she is Mrs. Dashwood, Mrs. March, and Mrs. Jones all rolled into one and I miss her more today than I did the day she passed away. 

71 Years Today

Today is my mother's birthday.  Is it right to still celebrate it?  The emotion has been building all week.  I found myself in tears more times this week than in the last month.  I find myself dwelling on her photo which is still the background on my phone.  People think grief is something you work through and then you are fine, but when you lose the person who carried you inside her and then was the one constant, that grief doesn't just stop.  So many people say you never get over the loss.  So today, in honor of my deep unaltered love for my mother I will wear this shirt.  I got it a few years ago for Mother's Day.  I only wish I had remembered I owned it earlier; it would have become a regular rotation in my weekly wardrobe.  I love you, Mom....

I Heart Mom T-shirt

What do You Say?

What do you say to someone who has lost a loved one?  What do you say?  It seems that the majority of the world is without knowledge in this area.  I know how you react.  You get solemn and then you are overwhelmed with pity, empathy.  I didn't want any of that.  I don't know how everyone else feels, maybe they want people to pity them.  I spent the first months after my mother's death not wanting to tell anyone who wasn't a friend; co-workers, etc...I didn't want those eyes of pity. 

The most important thing to do is to simply reach out and let the person know that you are there and accessible.  You are there.  That is all they want to know.  The time is confusing, overwhelming, emotionally draining, etc.  Don't expect too much in return, just let them know you are there and thinking of them and that is all they really need and if they need more, they will ask because you made yourself accessible. 

Beyond that remember that the grief doesn't evaporate it will likely be a lifetime before they get over it.  There is nothing or no one to replace what they lost and they are adjusting to life without them.  You do not need to be syrupy sweet and understanding, just know that they may be a little off kilter and don't worry about it too much if they tear up once in a while.  

Do What You Say You are Going to Do

I have a dear friend that repeats this mantra to me over and over, and it has become a voice I cannot ignore.  I can't tell you how many times I have cancelled plans, or blown off things I said I would do, or just failed to follow through on something.  I know I still do it.  I just realized today that I told my brother I would pick up something from his house and it completely slipped my mind; however, I do this much less than I used to.  Before I would consciously choose not to do or complete things that I had said I would, but now if it doesn't happen it is because I truly forgot.

It seems this world we live in is full of broken promises, promises to write or keep in touch or to help with something that never comes to fruition.  I used to be the queen of broken promises, but through my friend I have learned that this is no way to live or be a genuine person.  I used to live in fear of people relying on me because I feared I would let them down.  To combat this I would let them down on purpose so they would learn not to rely on me....yes, I did.   I know that this is no way to live.

I challenge you, all my readers to think before you make a promise or even a casual statement of good intentions.  Follow through is something I was never good at, but I have learned to make it a priority and that has made all the difference for me in my life. I no longer intentionally make promises I know I will likely not keep.  I may disappoint more people initially, but in the long run I am doing them and myself more of a favor than if I make a promise that will never come true.

A Friend that Makes You Smile

Do you have that friend?  One that just brings a smile to your face almost no matter what they say; the one whose very presence causes your mood to lift and you life to brighten.  I have one.  I only met him recently while taking German this past semester.  He always has something interesting to say and something witty to share.  He is nine years my junior, but that doesn't seem to affect the enjoyment we take in each others company. 

My favorite thing about him is that he doesn't care that I like to do things last minute and that he is pretty much up for anything he hasn't done before.  He talks faster than me, which is an amazing accomplishment, and he isn't afraid to be himself.  His latest comment was that I failed to put him in my blog, so here is an entire day dedicated to the very fact that he exists and what a wonderful influence he is currently having on my life. 

If only they made more people like him......TN.

Dreams

I don't remember my dreams, do you?  I hardly do.  About two months ago, I dreamed about my mother and she wasn't dead.  She was alive and we had thought she was dead, but she was back and doing better. I apologized to her telling her we had thrown away some of her belongings from the house.  I woke up with a renewed sense of loss, and longing for those moments in my sleep when I still had my mother.  It makes me wish I could remember my dreams.

And Then They are Gone

When you watch the person who gave birth to you stop breathing, it is a startling wake up call.  You think you can handle their death before it happens.  You know losing them will be hard, but you can get through it.  Of course you can, but the devastation is more than is imaginable. I have a permanent pain in my chest that gently increases in ache as I think more on my mother.

I frequently think on her last words to me, which were "I love you, too" in response to my saying it to her.  I think of the look on her face when she woke up that day and how she seemed so scared.  I wonder if we chose to do the right thing by stopping treatment, I wonder if that is really what she wanted.  I think of her eyes and as they looked into mine and I hope and pray she knew how much I really just wanted her to get better and be with us longer.

All of these thoughts cross my mind so often, they are like background noise, never ceasing, always there.

The Birthday Approaches

My mother's birthday is Saturday.  I am worried.  I am worried that I will spend much of the day in tears like I did Christmas eve.  It remains, that last year my mother's birthday was the last family celebration outside the hospital and so I am scared.  Not only is it a startling recollection of the last real family celebration we had it also marks the beginning of her life and the 71st birthday she never reached.

I want to go to her grave, 300 miles away and stand there and weep.  I want to go shopping for brie and Carr's table water crackers and green grapes and celebrate with some of her favorite foods..  I want to curl up in bed with the covers over my head and pretend she isn't really gone.  I want to bake her a birthday cake and put 71 candles in it and let them burn out because she isn't there to blow them out.  I want to sit around with my brothers and sister and act like we are okay, when none of us really are. 

My family and I have a group where we discuss these things about our mom, about how we miss her and the post from sister last week, was had we prepared...how do you prepare.  I just steel myself.  I have to work a bit that day, so I know I will be busy. I plan to be with a friend, the friend who lost her husband, but I don't know that I can tell her, tell her it is my mother's birthday.  I can feel the tension building in my chest and I am worried. 

My Inspiration-My Mother

Once upon a time there was a young girl who dreamed of nothing but going to college.  Her father didn't think she should and so he had her got to secretarial school.  When she finished she moved to a big city and worked as a secretary and went to night school to get her degree.  Not long after that she met a handsome young man and she fell madly in love with him and they were married.  For seven years she worked and went to school.  Then she got the most wonderful gift of all, a baby boy.  Now she wanted to be the best mother she could be and she was. 

Twenty-two years later the man she fell madly in love with left her and she decided to finish her school.  She worked and went to school full-time while raising the last two of her six children.  Finally when she was 55 she earned her bachelor degree in English.  That wasn't enough, she went on to get a masters. She achieved her dream.  She then spent the last ten years of her life teaching English at the local community college. 

If my mother taught me nothing else, she instilled in me the fact that it is never too late to follow your dreams and never too late to be what you ought to be.

Thank you, Mom.

Life is Short and So...

Each and every day we are bombarded with things that must be done.  We have demands placed on us by our own physical needs and our families, as well as all our wants and desires.  This expands to include our friends, our job, society, and even our government.  So many demands on our time how do we even find time to accomplish anything beyond our daily tasks.  Some of us don't, some of us are constantly placing those things that aren't necessary to the bottom of our list and they will never make it to the top even if they are important for our sanity.

Those things need to make it to the top and we must make them a priority.  I once saw an object lesson done, where our life was represented by a jar and then there were three large rocks that were those things that are important for our sanity, we will call them fundamental needs.  Then there was rice, tiny little grains of rice that represented all the hundreds of things we must do each day to simply survive and satisfy those we answer to.  If we place the rice in first, there is no room for the rocks they don't fit, but if we place the rocks in first the rice slips in nicely around them and we can fit them all in our daily life.

If we remember to always put our fundamental needs first, meditation (prayer), enrichment, etc., we will find that all those other things will slip in nicely around the things that matter the most.  If we do not begin putting those things first we are only going to wear ourselves down faster than if we do.  

Objects are Not a Source of Happiness

When I was working as an underwriter I made very good money and I was miserable.  I bought every object I found appealing and lived for shopping or purchasing something that would give me that momentary happiness of acquiring something.  It was always short lived, sometimes it wouldn't even make it out of the car before it no longer made me happy.   New clothes, purses, shoes, organizing tools, movies, gadgets, and gifts...gifts galore.  I overspent on every holiday, trying to find an extra dime here or there to buy one last thing for anyone and everyone.

My mother had this same problems with objects.  She looked for happiness in them and she always came up short.  Cleaning out her home has been a chore.  I helped some, but with school and work, I haven't had much time.  That chore has fallen primarily to my brother. The amount of stuff is overwhelming, even more overwhelming is the amount of stuff with no significant value.  I know that my mother had caught the disease of thinking that these items made her happy. 

What I have learned is that the more things we have, the more cumbersome our life becomes.  I choose to only purchase things that will make my life less cumbersome.  If happiness comes from making correct choices, how can we even expect to have those choices when we are weighed down by things that take our money and our time.  Things do not make us happy, we do.

Discovering Happiness

If I knew how to be happy before now, I would have chosen happiness, I know it.  Since losing my mother I have had what one might call an epiphany.  I have realized what it is to be happy.  I am not happy because my mother passed away, I learned from losing her that I have to chose to be happy or I will live my life being unhappy.

Happiness comes through our choices that we make each and every day.  When I was younger I used to think that I could find happiness in objects of other people, but I have discovered that it has nothing to do with that.  Instead it has to do with me and if I am happy with myself.  I am happy with myself when I make choices that I am happy with.  Sometimes the choices I make don't result in the best circumstances, but I know I made the best choice I could, so therefore despite bad circumstances I am happy. 

I am not perfect, sometimes I make poor choices, sometimes I stay up too late, sleep too late, or watch TV instead of do my homework...but I am still happy.  I am consciously making those choices, fully aware of the consequences and I have decided that I will still be happy despite the consequences.  Happiness has opened a world unknown to me in the life I lived before losing my mother.  Tune in tomorrow to find out more.

What's Behind the Eyes

I had my physics exam today.  In the higher level math and science classes, at the school I attend, you start to see some of the same faces and you start studying together.  It becomes almost like a support group to get through the rigorous coursework.  It has given me the opportunity to develop more friendships with those I attend school with.

Today as I finished my exam I was briefly talking to one of my classmates I had studied with in a group over the weekend.  He had been unfocused and seemed to have little initiative to get ready for the test other than attending the group.  He had just had a new baby a few days before that and I concluded that that was why he was distracted.  I found out today, that two weeks ago, his father died.  The third week of the semester.  I was shocked.  I knew how hard it was for me to lose my mother just a week and a half before the semester began, but I couldn't imagine trying to deal with all of that grief amongst the immense course load of an engineering major.  I was ashamed that I had even thought that he was uncaring toward his work after suffering the same fate through the first month of school the semester before. 

This evening I sit and work on my college entrance exams with a friend.  English is not his native language, so I help him format his essay and correct any grammar even though his writing is quite moving in itself.  Part of his essay explains the tragedy that struck him just the year before, only weeks before I met him.  I barely knew him that semester, but when we ended up in a class together in the Fall we got to know each other a little better.  I never would have guessed what he was going through those first months I knew him.

The point of this all is to always remember that we never know where another person has come from or what they have been through when their path crosses ours.  Don't judge them too harshly, or try not to judge them at all.  We are all on different journeys and we must be considerate of others and theirs.

Men Are Cats

Today I was caught in my secret shame...I call into a radio show.  I started listening to a morning DJ last year because the music on the station was upbeat and got me moving in my sluggish mornings.  This DJ always has relevant and interesting things to discuss.  Occasionally completely off the wall, but it is typically something you have experienced.  In the last year I have probably called in about ten times to offer up my opinion on some non-issue we all face. 

This morning was one of those days.  A woman was trying to win back her ex-boyfriend by not calling him.  She had heard somewhere that this works for men, that if you ignore them they eventually come crawling back.  She was struggling to keep from contacting him and the DJ thought it was crazy that woman even thought this or attempted it and asked for his listeners opinions.

Of course I have one.  As an overall animal lover and especially a cat lover, I have come to realize that unlike the metaphor that men are dogs, men are in fact cats.  Women are more like dogs, loyal, affectionate, always waiting with a smile if you treat us well.  Men are like cats and if you ever had a cat you will see the shocking similarities.

1.  Cats ignore you until you are in the middle of something and then they are laying on the book you are reading, sitting on your laptop, running around your feet or clawing at the sheets while you try and make your bed.  Men are the same way, they want nothing to do with you until you are in the middle of something else and then they must have your full attention.  This can also be applied to relationships.

2.  Cats run away from you when you chase them, you have to wait for them to come to you.  Same as men!  If you chase after them the more they run. 

So how was I caught giving this solicited advice?  When I got to work this morning, one of my male co-workers says to me, "Why did you call me a cat?"  Can you say, Busted!  I was embarrassed and shocked, but he said he recognized my voice.  Oh well!

Sweet Potatoes!

Wow!  I love sweet potatoes!  As a child, I wouldn't touch a potato and as adult I don't suffer from cravings for french fries or potato chips, and I probably never will.  They only way I will willingly ingest white potatoes is if they are mashed....with garlic please.  Oh I will eat them, but I don't ever really want them, and they must have a lot of stuff on them.  Sweet potatoes have been at every holiday function and I never really partook of them because they fell under the "potato" category. 

I started a diet two weeks ago and white potatoes were out, (so disappointed) but sweet potatoes were okay because of how they are broken down by the body.   My dear friend, whose house I visit each weekend, made a white potato for herself and a sweet potato for me for dinner last weekend.  I LOVED IT!  I mean loved it, since then I have eaten about 4 more sweet potatoes.  I may be in danger of becoming a sweet potato at this point.

Due to my new found love I decided to do a little research and see what kind of benefits these little sweet things possessed.  They are loaded with Vitamin A, over the recommended daily allowance, RDA.  Vitamin A, in case you were in unaware, is known to help in fighting off cancer, viruses and keeps your cells healthy.  It is also believed to keep you looking younger.  Beyond that, sweet potatoes have 15% or more of the RDA for Vitamin C, Magnesium, Vitamin B6, Potassium and Fiber.  Not only do they taste delicious, they are good for you!  They are loaded with Beta Carotene and other cartenoids which  help strengthen vision and boost the immune response. 

At this point I want to be chanting in the streets, "Eat More Sweet Potatoes."  They best thing about these little guys is that they may actually help reduce the insulin response for type 2 diabetics.  The sugar in them is digested slowly; instead of getting a sugar spike and then low you get from other sugary snacks, you are loaded with sustained energy. 

 If I hadn't sold you on the sweet potato, I am not sure what will.  I know I will be eating them at least once a week.

Little Things that Can Define Our Lives

Today I was tutoring someone and I pulled out my trusty TI-85 to do some quick calculations.  In case you aren't up on the calculator models,  the TI-85 is no longer made.  My father bought it for me when I was 14 and a freshman in high school.  It was the best one available to the students at the time.  My father spent an extra $15.00 buying that model for me instead of the TI-81, which was the other model available.  Also, not everyone's parents bought them calculators.  So here I was with a father who put $115.00 towards my education. I think, but I am not positive, if he had not done that, I would never have found this great love for math that I now have.

Prior to that year I had done horribly at math.  I was placed into GT math in 6th grade, but I was sick the first six weeks of school and missed a lot of material and never really caught up.  My parents were going through a divorce and somehow my education wasn't a priority.  I failed out of GT Math and was in honors the following year, 7th grade.  I managed to pass and then failed out of 8th grade honors math.  I had to retake that math in 9th grade.  The really strange thing about my 8th grade math is that my teacher offered to pass me because I answered one question and she said it made her think I knew what was going on.  She said it was up to me.  I thought about it, but told her I wanted to retake it in my 9th grade year.

9th grade I had a wonderful teacher; that coupled with my fathers willingness to invest in a calculator for me allowed me to succeed.  I would compete with the boy next to me for the top grade in class.  I would do my homework on my lunch break and I would always volunteer to go to the board.  I no longer hated math.  I loved it.  I still do and I am going to school to teach it.  So I have to say thank you to my father for having enough faith in me to buy me that calculator, that I still use 18 years later (man I am old)!

Waking up to Physics

I have no overly inspirational or thoughtful insights to share today.  I have been racking my brain and nothing seems even remotely good enough to elaborate on.  So I will simply share something odd that happened to me this morning.  Due to my new found ability to sleep well, I typically wake up before my alarm clock goes off.  This morning I woke up at 5:30 and didn't need to get up until 6, so I simply dozed because I am NOT a morning person.

Somewhere between wakefulness and dreaming my mind was lingering, when I realized something wonderful.  I had been working on a physics problem for my class and had not been able to successfully get the right answer.  It had these two variables listed with a slash between them and it said it was equal to this number and I suddenly it clicked that while I was thinking of the slash as an and/or sign, it was actually a fraction!  And those two variables over each other were in fact another value that was the key to answering the problem.  This was something we had gone over in class just the day before and I hadn't been able to make the connection.  My eyes popped open and I jumped out of bed and ran to get my physics books to try and work out the problem.  What I want to know is how my mind ended up on physics while I was half asleep and how I was able to make a connection like that? The subconscious is an amazing thing.

Positivity

I am a fairly positive person. I generally think well of others and see the good in situations despite many set backs.  I am blessed to be this way.  I was talking to my niece the other day, she is 16.  Ever other phrase from her mouth is "I'm screwed."  After listening to her for years I finally let her in on a little secret.  That if you think bad things, bad things will happen; if you focus on good things, good things will happen.  Some like to call it prayer, some meditation, some like to call it "The Secret." 

Yes can we not all remember the big rage six or seven years ago?  The Secret, the one being kept since the beginning of time, how to achieve all your hearts desires!  Of course we all know that it isn't exactly fool proof, but there is some truth in it. 

I truly do see the glass half full.  When I was laid off, I was thrilled to go back to school.  When I realized I had missed my scholarship application deadline, I decided that it must be for a reason.  There are lessons to be learned and growth to be had in every hardship.  So next time you think the world is falling down around you, try and see what good is coming from it even if you don't see it. 

Failure is an Option

I watched a movie last year called Elizabethtown.  In the movie the main character, played by Orlando Bloom, decides after failing at his career, in a monumental way, to kill himself.  He eventually reveals his plan to a girl he meets played by Kirsten Dunst.  I love the line she says in response, "So you failed. Alright you really failed.....You wanna be really great? Then have the courage to fail big and stick around. Make them wonder why you’re still smiling."  

I spent a lot of my life being afraid to fail.  I think a lot of us are and that is one of the reasons we settle for less than we are capable of or even deserve.  Last year I took on something I thought I could be successful at and I failed even though I tried.  I am still here and I am still smiling.  I realized that there is nothing wrong with failing as long as you know that you did the best you could and you learned from it.  

With the loss of my mother I have become less afraid to fail.  My mother lived her life, but she died with one of her dreams unrealized; to be a published writer.  I have already been published, so I can cross that off my list, but I want some other things and I am not afraid to go after them.  I hope you aren't either. 

Finding Time

I love this expression it goes hand in hand with making time. Have you ever seen anyone make time? I sure haven't. If you could actually make time or even find it (like gold) one would be the richest person on the planet or quite possibly the entire universe. I would like to move this definition of finding time to physics. In my physics class we currently often find the time it takes for things to happen. A body to complete a revolution, a bird to fly at a certain speed a certain distance, and other such complicated information. Out of this I have come to conclude that if we find time we may in fact be simply doing what I do in physics, determining how long something will take so we can squeeze it into our already jam packed schedule.

My sister posted today on Facebook that she had taken two hours to do something she had only allotted an hour for and now her whole day was messed up. I find this amusing and also extremely relevant to the predicament so many find themselves in on a daily basis. How to fit into our schedule more than we have actual time for. We all know what to do right, prioritize, don't dawdle, stay focused, and take shortcuts whenever possible. How do we allow for all the hiccups, the unplanned incidents, and the simply poor scheduling? I am not entirely sure, I don't have a million things to juggle, but my sister who has six children does.

Yes, my dear oldest sister. I would have to call her a magician, but I am going to share some things I observed, that allowed her to have enough time to do all the things she has to do in a day.

Delegate. The honest truth is, you don't have enough time to do everything on that list. So what you don't have enough time for, give it someone else.

Perfection is not a Priority. Once you delegate, don't be overly obsessed about whether it is done to perfection; especially when you pass responsibilities on to your children. They need to learn to do things right and do it to well, but they will never learn those if you micromanage them.

Go to Bed on Time. You have to be rested, if you aren't you can't function to the best of your ability. See my blog on getting a good nights sleep.

Get up Early. You have to be prepared. Get up before the rest of your house and prepare for the start of a day, just like stores do.

Mind the Details. They say don't sweat the small stuff, but when you are orchestrating a family the small stuff is what matters. Make sure things are where they should be and keep things relatively organized so you don't spend extra time looking for them.

Procrastination Isn't Worth It. When you put something off that needs to be done, it is only a bigger disaster later on. For example, laundry, need I say more.

These are just some of the wonderful qualities that I saw my sister exercise in her daily life. Oh and did I mention that she also teaches, prepares and serves three meals a day, and still manages to look beautiful and put together on a daily basis. She also managed to be a more than gracious hostess every time I visit.

Love you sis, you are an inspiration.

Being a Father

How can I possibly write about this subject, clearly I am a female, clearly I have no children, so how can I come to the table with any knowledge that would be fitting to others.  Simply because I have one of the kindest most patient fathers in existence.  Those two things make a wonderful father.  My father is not perfect, he has his flaws, but he raised six wonderful children so he did some things right.  The earliest memories of my father are doing our paper route together.  When I was little my parents had to make ends meet so in addition to working a full-time job my parents had a paper route.  Every day after my half day of kindergarten, my dad (who worked the night shift at AT&T) would pick me up and we would do the afternoon paper route together.  This is before the internet when papers would be printed in the morning and the evening.

I can't ever remember not enjoying myself on the paper route, the one thing that always sticks in my mind is when we would deliver papers to this retirement home.  Many of the apartments were outside and situated in little squares with a courtyard in the middle.  As we would walk through the courtyards my father would race me as I would take the long way around and he the straight path.  I always won.  The thought brings tears to my eyes.  I can't go into a great deal about my father every little pleasant memory would turn into a novel.

My parents separated when I was 11 and then divorced later on.  My father moved 24 miles away from us.  We spent every other weekend with him and when we were there, he was there. That is a long distance to be from your children, but he never felt too far away.  He would sometimes come to see us during the week.  I remember the time I was afraid to go to school because there was a dead snake on the front step, he came to remove it.

This was 20 years ago now, and we know gas prices are high.  I have one dear friend that recently moved from the house he owned and is renting an apartment so he could be ten miles closer to his child.  This was phenomenal to me, but with gas prices nearly at $4.00 per gallon, it is a logical step, if you want to spend as much time as you can with your children.  It is admirable to say the least. 

So what does all this sentimental mumbo jumbo mean....why is it "being a father?"  They are being fathers.  Fathers are there for their children.  I know that people have financial difficulties, jobs, new wives, needs, but being a father means that your children come first, no excuses.

Molly's Ginger Chicken

My Ginger Chicken

So I have decided I will share another recipe today.  This a recipe I found on the internet and I tweaked it to my liking and my taste.  It was supposed to be Hunan Chicken, but I like it with a lot of ginger so it was renamed by my friend as "Molly's Ginger Chicken."  I hope you enjoy!

Ingredients:

2 lbs. Chicken, cut in bite-sized pieces

2 Tbsp. Soy Sauce

1 Tbsp. Sherry

2 Tbsp. Ginger, shredded
2 Cloves of Garlic (crushed)

3 Scallions, cut up

5 or 6 sliced mushrooms

I can of baby corn, drained (about 14 oz.)

3 to 4 Tbsp. Oil

¾ c. Cup Chicken Broth

1 Tbsp. Soy Sauce

2 Tbsp. Rice Vinegar

1 Tbsp. Sugar

1/2 tsp. Salt

1 tsp. of Pepper

1 Tbsp. Cornstarch

Directions:

Marinate the chicken with the soy sauce, sherry, garlic and ginger for 15 to 20 minutes.

Mix the soy sauce, chicken broth, rice vinegar, sugar, salt, and pepper.

In a wok, heat the oil, and stir-fry the scallions and mushrooms.  Then add the marinade and chicken to the scallions and peppers for 4 more minutes.  Add the chicken broth mixture and make sure to mix well.  Add the drained baby corn.  Cook on low heat, until the chicken is cooked.  Add the cornstarch to thicken the sauce, and serve over rice.

"Mind the Gap"

Are you living in the Gap? What, you are probably asking, is the Gap? Is it a store that a few years ago ran into a branding fiasco when they tried to change their logo? Is it that space between the train and the platform? No to both. The Gap is the place we look when we see the gaping divide between what we accomplish and what we want to accomplish.

I am trying to lose weight and I started back on my diet this week with grandiose plans of losing a pound a day. I weighed myself after 5 days and found I had lost only two pounds. This was wholly disappointing because it was not what I had planned to accomplish. So I am frustrated and upset with myself, I had not met my goal. I am living in the Gap, refusing to look back and see what I had accomplished; even though it wasn't what I had planned to accomplish, it was still two pounds! I should be proud of myself and give myself a pat on the back.

This is the Gap and place we sometimes stay, a place that offers no solace for us who are obsessed with achieving perfection. I say get out of the Gap, start looking at what you have accomplished instead of what you haven't. Seeing what you have done gives you the reinforcement to keep moving rather than the slump of self-doubt that can lead to failure. I did lose two pounds and I am going to lose more! Next time you are faced with a crazy busy day and you feel like all you did was run and circles and got nothing done, stop and think about it. I am sure you will see that you were able to achieve more than you realize.

Happiness through Service?

Do you ever find that you are doing more for others than you do for yourself.  Do you know why?  Neither do I.  I have yet to find the answer to this question, but one theory I have come to rely on is that to do things for others brings me happiness. 

I find it embarrassing at times, doing things for others.  Once I found out someone I barely knew had a husband who was deployed and she was left to care for and raise four children alone.  I was overwhelmed that she was left alone like this with no family close by.  My immediate reaction was to offer to watch her children, but I hesitated.  I always do this, I hesitate when I want to offer help. I worry that the person will take my offer to help the wrong way; that they may be offended or find it strange. I finally decided that I should offer my help and it was welcomed.  I lived close by so if she needed to go to the store I could be there to lend a hand. 

My sister recently discussed with me that she wanted to get her young children involved in service activities so they could take their mind off their own small problems.  I think that service itself allows us to refocus our attention.  We trudge through our daily life and are faced everyday with our difficulties and problems.  When we take the time to help others with theirs we are removed from them and can sit back and realize that ours aren't so bad or that they may be easier to overcome than we thought. 

So, I encourage you, if you are feeling a little down, look outside yourself to see what you can offer to someone else. I promise there is something you can do for others, no matter your age or station in life. 

Compare and Beware!

When I look at myself in the mirror, standing alone, I don't see perfection, but I am pretty okay with myself.  Of course I want to lose weight, and of course I want those blemishes off my skin, but mostly I am okay with what I see.  If I am standing next to someone, I am never okay with what I see.  I am comparing myself to them and seeing only what I lack that they have.  I think this is a major problem in human existence.  It has a few names, keeping up with the Jones', monkey see monkey do...can't think of anymore off the top of my head, can you?

I am a tutor and my math skills are typically far and above those who I tutor.  I think they feel inadequate and I want to shake them and say, "Do you have any idea how many things you are good at, that I am not?!"   Why do we obsessively compare ourselves to others and even worse, why do we compare those we love to others.  So and so did this and you didn't.  I know I have fallen into this trap for much of my youth, but somewhere, somehow I hope I grew out of most of it.  I still have my failures, that childish inclination to compare my life with others.

The media, culture, and basically capitalism thrives on are desire to compare ourselves to others.  Magazines, TV shows, we all have expectations of perfection because that is what we see each and everyday in the media around us.  Try to remember this is real life you are living, not some contrived version for a photo shoot or a set.  Our life isn't hand picked and scripted, it is ours and we have no choice to live it.  Rather than comparing it to others, make decisions you can be proud of for reasons you can stand behind.  Comparing is a dangerous trap and will likely lead you down a path that goes no where.

Being an Aunt, Part I

I am blessed, blessed to be an Aunt 12 times over. Sixteen years ago today was the first time I became one.  A beautiful baby girl was born, to my eldest sister, with a shock of blonde hair and dazzling blue eyes.  I had almost no experience with babies and was slightly terrified to hold her. The first time I did, I sat in the middle of my sisters king size bed so all I had was cushion around me.  I was in love.  Over the next few months I watched in amazement as she slowly developed into a bright eyed curious little thing; smiling and talking to me in her little baby sounds.  My sister said she liked to talk to me.  She still does, thankfully. 

I get to have all the fun; my siblings have to do all the work as parents and I get to laugh and spoil them to the best of my ability.  Sometimes it isn't all fun, like when I got cornered by my 8 and 10 year old nieces and they asked what sex was.  How do you answer that question?....I'll tell you how, with a question!  I get to hear all the secrets, and laugh hysterically over nonsense.  I get to share adventures and always be cool.  The best part is that you get to love them.

That first little one that settled so deeply in my heart is 16 today and I am moved beyond words that I have been able to be a part of her life. I am touched each time she calls me just to talk.  I hope she knows how precious she is to me and how much I love and miss her every day because she is so far away.

Aren't We All Dorks?

Today I went to Grandparent's day at my niece's school.  Yes, I did just say that.  This is not the first time; a couple of years ago when my mother was sick I filled in then as well.  Now that she has passed it happened that I was available to attend so I did.  Now my nieces are in middle school and it is a little odd that they want me to come in for Grandparent's day, but they are pretty confident and family has always been important to all of us.  I was sitting in the older one's English class and she said she needed a pen and so I reached in my purse (bag) and pulled out this:

My Pencil Case

Her immediate response, "You're a dork."  I smiled from ear to ear because I think I kind of like being a dork. To me I see the term 'dork' applied to people who are passionate about something or perhaps have a slightly obsessive interest in something.  I also hear it applied to people who find joy in small things that don't make sense to others.  I think I fall under both of those categories with my pencil case.  

A little history on the pencil case.  I am currently pursuing a degree in secondary education mathematics.  I want to be a high school math teacher and eventually college level.  I am also a math tutor and find that my purse is often cluttered with pencils, pens, and erasers. I am always digging one out as I walk into each persons home, so logic tells me I need a pencil case.  I went searching and all of them looked to be of poor quality and to put it in slang..janky.  I found this in the office supply store and it looked perfect for my needs.  I don't leave home without it. 

I love to do math, so I need pencils.  I want to be prepared, so I have a few and keep them with me always.  I want to be organized so I keep them in a pencil case.  All of these add up to my niece calling me a dork.  I am not ashamed.  I am proud!  Proud to stand up and say, "Yes I am a dork!"  I am passionate about what I do and I want to do it well; there is nothing wrong with that.  Next time someone calls you a dork, I hope you take it as a compliment because it probably is. 

Kindness in Unexpected Places

Today was a rainy dreary day.  We have a lot where I live.  I had an umbrella and when I got to my class, I slid it under my chair in the book rack that I never use for books.  As I placed it there I thought to myself, "I will forget this."  Unfortunately it seemed like the most logical place to leave a wet umbrella.

I did forget it, but only went to the restroom.  I remembered it as I washed my hands and left hastily to reclaim my little pink umbrella.  I walked out to find two of the men in my class calling out, "there she is."  One I have been in classes with for over a year and so he had my number and was already calling my phone to tell me I had left my umbrella. 

To me this was going out of their way.  Out of their way to return a possession to me that was clearly something easily replaced, but they showed enough concern and caring to make the effort to locate me.   I was struck by their concern, especially because both these men have handicaps; one permanently sports a wheel chair and the other crutches.  This does not make their kindness any more rare, but in my mind they have enough to handle without fretting over my absentmindedness.  This small act was so appreciated. 

I must try to remember that a small act of kindness can be such an inspiration to those around us. 

Limitations Lead to Happiness

One of the truly wonderful things about growing up and aging, is recognizing your limitations.  I think this is a true to key to my current happiness.  Recognizing your limitations does not mean you need to be hindered by them, simply that you can find a way to move around or work with them.  For instance, I know that I have a terrible time waking up in the morning.  Instead of staying up late and not getting a good night's sleep I know to go to bed early so I can wake up refreshed and ready to conquer the day. 

Recognizing limitations with yourself can launch you further than you ever expected.   When you can see the obstacle you can find a way around it.  When it is not visible you stumble around blindly and may never find how to overcome it.  Don't be afraid of taking note of your limitations, it can be the key to your success and fulfillment.  

Love-How it Wants You to Be Better

My niece, A, turns 16 in two days. I can't help but tear up at the thought. I was lucky enough to live with my sister when she was born and be close the first two years of her life. That seems to have created a bond between us, one that cannot be broken even with sixteen years and 3,000 miles between us. She lives far from me, but we still talk frequently and I frequently lecture her. At 32 I am not an expert on life, but I can see past those teenage problems she is face-to-face with. After I lecture her, I inevitably feel bad for giving her such a hard time and then I remember I love her.

I have to come to realize that love is the author of correction. So often in our lives we fail to say to others what they are doing wrong because we don't want to criticize them or hurt their feelings. The truth is if you love them you will tell them because you want them to be better. You love them enough to know what they are capable of so you tell them. If you didn't love them you wouldn't care and you would let them go on their merry way, screwing up their life.

So I encourage you to pause and reflect; when your significant other, your parent, your sibling, or your friend, gives you criticism, remember, they must really love you and want you to be the best you can be.

Tolerance vs. Acceptance

Each morning and night I sit and think about what I want to write out here for the world to see.  Occasionally I will be inspired prior to sitting at the computer, but most often I pull my idea from thin air and develop it from my own head and past experiences.  These are hot of the presses my friends, I don't type them a month in advance and then post them, so I hope you are enjoying my twice daily insights! 

That being said, something that I often think about is tolerance.  How this world has preached tolerance of others and their beliefs.  I go beyond tolerance, I believe in acceptance, full and complete acceptance.  I come from a religious upbringing, a very religious upbringing.  Church every Sunday, activities during the week, and even as we entered high school we had religious classes every weekday.  I am a Christian, the denomination is not relevant, but having a belief in Christ is based fundamentally in love of your fellow human beings, despite everything. 

Tolerance doesn't illustrate love to me, it gives me an image of someone you are keeping at arms length and how you will sit with, but you hope will not rub off on you.  In one of my previous posts I indicated that our life is shaped by our priorities, and so each person is who they are.  To tolerate them sounds to me, that we say okay I will "put up" with you and all your faults.  Can you really call yourself a Christian if you don't love that person who is comprised of their faults?  I can't honestly say that I have met a person who didn't have something good about them.  

I am nowhere close to perfect, I may not particularly like someone, but it has nothing to do with their personal decisions about religion, sexuality, or where they come from.  Everyday is a struggle to balance my humanity with my aspirations to be perfect.  My mother, however, instilled in me acceptance of all, no matter what.  You never know the gifts that someone has to share within them; you will never know unless you move past all preconceived notions and accept them for who they are.   I don't believe in tolerance, I believe in acceptance.   

Single Valentine

I promised this morning that I would post about being single on Valentine's Day.  My attitude is, so what?!  So what if you are single?  Okay, okay, it is reasonable to feel lonely on Valentine's Day to feel that everyone is in love and you aren't. People get flowers, candy, and brag about gifts, etc.  It's everywhere, Facebook, television, radio.  I heard one person say that you should treat yourself, etc.  Why?  Why treat yourself on Valentine's Day, why not other days.  I buy myself flowers because I love flowers.  Treating yourself on Valentine's Day seems like you may be over compensating for something that is missing.

The bottom line is, it is just another day.  I can't honestly say that I have ever felt bad about being single on Valentine's Day.  Perhaps it is not Valentine's Day,  perhaps it is that you are single, period.  I don't mind being single.  For some reason, our society sees someone alone as someone who is wrong.  Why are they wrong, what is wrong with being alone.  You have more time for yourself and you get to do what you want.  You don't have to check with someone before you do something.  You are free!  There are advantages to being in a relationship, but there are advantages to being single.

My advice to all of those Single Valentine's out there, embrace your singleness, own it, love it.  Laugh at all those fools who are out a bunch of cash because they had to do something for Valentine's Day.  You make the decisions in your life, don't let others make you feel bad about who you are.  Being single rocks!

Happy Valentine's Day!

A small nod to my Mom.  She always did Valentine's for the kids and grandkids.  First year without her.  Miss her like crazy.

Valentine Woes? One Little Thing That Can Improve Your Relationship

It is Valentine's Day!  Oooo, flowers, candy, jewelry, it's the day the one you love tells you they love you.....unless you are alone, unless they forget, unless they don't live up to your expectations....I could go on and on.  Don't torture yourself!  Either they love you or they don't, their love does not depend on what they do on Valentine's Day.  

Valentine's Day has become a consumer driven holiday just like every other holiday in the U.S.A.  I say focus on what really matters in a relationship.  Do they love you?  Do they show it, the way that you understand it?  I once learned about the different ways we show love, and the way we understand love.  We often employ more than one, but if you aren't communicating your love in the same way as your loved one, you may be simply having a disconnect and therefore feeling unsatisfied in your relationship.

Giving Service.  Love is shown by doing things for the person you love, and you in return understand love that way.  If the person you are with is not doing things for you, you may feel they don't love you.

Time Together. If this is how   you give and receive love you will need to be spending time with your loved one.  You need that time together to feel as if you are loved.

Physical Contact.  This one is easy for us to understand, it is erroneously applied as the basis of most relationships.  But if having contact with your loved one is  necessary for you to feel and give love, this may be how you give and receive love.

Spoken Words.  If you need to verbally hear that your significant other loves you or you need that verbal support this may be your preferred method of love communication

Presents!  If you are gift giver and expect everyone else to be too, this is yours (my mother was in this category).  

I promise if you sit down and examine your relationship, you will see the gap.  If you are both not feeling loved, there is a disconnect in the communication of your love.  Now that you see these five types of love communication it will be easier to notice how you are giving love and how your significant other showing their love for you in return.   Hopefully you can bridge the gap with some Spoken Words. 

I have one more piece of advice for having a Happy Valentine's Day, as a woman, we tend to think men can read our minds.  Lucky for me I really was a Daddy's Girl, and guess what...they really don't.  If you want something from your man, TELL HIM!  He's not going to figure it out and he doesn't get hints!  Last thing, don't compare your relationship to others, especially ones in movies. Much luck on having a Happy Valentine's Day, if you are single tune in this evening. 

ADD a Little Color to Your Life

I was terrible in school when I was younger.  I never paid attention, didn't care to learn unless it was fun and engaging.  I hated math until in 9th grade my teacher made me love it.  I found out when I was about 24 that I had Attention Deficit Disorder.

Oh my gosh, 24 years of thinking I was a total screw up, just washed away, there was actual something I could do to fix those things I was doing wrong.  I tried medication, that sucked. Oh yeah, I was more focused, got more done, but it also takes the zest out of life.  I weaned myself off of it and by wean I mean stopped cold turkey and decided I was going to learn to deal with my ADD by alternative measures.  What may those alternative measures be you might ask....well they work for me, but they may not work for everyone......but here are some well known and not so well known ways to work with your ADD symptoms.

BITE YOUR TONGUE, you are in a conversation and people are talking, you want to interrupt because you just thought of something, DON'T.  It is rude and offensive, because your brain goes a mile a minute you will likely forget it, but don't worry.  It is better than offending the person you are in the conversation with.

BREAK TASKS INTO SMALL PARTS.  Big things are overwhelming to our mind, break them up into small parts and tackle them that way.  If you have 50 homework problems, break them up into 5 then 5 then 5...etc, give yourself a short break in between sets of 5 to reset and then go again. 

TIMERS, are your best friend.  Any clock will do, but a timer is better you can see it ticking down.  When you cut your tasks into small parts, estimate how long each one will take and then do them in that amount of time.  For instance, I estimate to wash my breakfast dishes it will take me 4 minutes.  I look at the clock frequently and race to get it done.  Washing my breakfast dishes is just one of the many tasks I have to do to get myself out the door in the morning.

LISTS, are your other best friend.  Make them, it helps organize everything that is in your head and keeps you from being overwhelmed, because when it is written down you can refer back to it.  You also won't forget it. 

MUSIC,   If you have a task that seems arduous, like homework or cleaning, put those beats on and get moving, it helps you focus, keeps you on pace, and puts you in a better mood.

A DESK.  Any small task can seem overwhelming to the person with ADD, you must have a clean place to sit and do your paperwork, homework, etc.  KEEP IT CLEAN!  Don't let it get cluttered with stuff; that is your place to go and do the task that needs doing.  If you let it get cluttered it will be overwhelming and that is one more road block between you and getting your work done.

COLORS.  This is my favorite because I recently discovered it....I have a set of Stabilo 88 point pens.  I love them, they are from Germany.  They have 25 different colors.  I hate doing my Physics homework.  I use my pens.  When I get bored or antsy, as we folks with ADD tend to get, I switch colors, it keeps me moving.

This is not every little thing you can do if you have ADD, but I find them helpful!

Priorities Shape Our Lives

What are your priorities? Have you ever sat down and written them down? Probably not because you don't have to. Our priorities shape our lives. This morning was a classic example for me. I had to leave for work by 8:15 to be there on time. I came downstairs at 7:50 and sat down to talk and have breakfast with my friend. I saw that it was 8:11 on the clock and I got up and I should have thrown my dishes in the sink and left right then.  I didn't. I took the time to put my dishes in the dishwasher and the others in the sink.  I gave my friend a hug and had another few snippets of chat. I walked into work 3 minutes late. My priority was leaving my friend on good terms not being to work on time.

Every decision you make every day of your life revolves around your priorities. What are your priorities?

Zopf-The Sunday Bread

Zopf I made, as you can see I couldn't wait to have a piece!

Sunday Bread! These are Zopf, pronounced TSopf. A wonderfully moist and delicious bread from Switzerland. Seeing as my sister is married to a Swiss man and has lived there for the last ten years I have a large exposure to it The first time I ate zopf I was 16 and was visiting Switzerland for the first time. It had a taste all its own, wonderfully dense, but not to dense, soft with a perfect crust. Buying them in the store is a treat, but homemade zopf is the best. Western Europe has a love affair with bread that America has not gotten on board with yet, but we need to.

My dear sister taught me to make zopf on my visit to her in the summer of 2009 and since then I have made it about 50 times. Each time I bake it learn to make it better. This past year, I figured out how to increase how wonderfully moist it was; when I took it to work for a holiday party, people were actually moaning as they ate it. How great it is to know you bring such pleasure to those around you. The thing about zopf is the sooner you eat it the better it is. It takes about three hours from start to finish, but the actual work you put in is less than half an hour, all the other time is letting it rise.

Here is the recipe my sister bestowed upon me and this website has some great instructions on braiding it, (zopf means braid). Happy Baking! P.S. You need a scale for this recipe.

1 kilogram of all-purpose flour
1 tblsp of sugar
1 tblsp of salt
23 grams of dry yeast (using less makes it last longer, you can use as little as 7 grams)
125 grams of butter (about 9 tablespoons)
600 milliliters of milk
1 egg yolk

Mix dry ingredients together including yeast (no special tricks here). Mix in melted or softened butter. Then add milk slowly (use all for delicious moist bread). Knead by hand for ten minutes or in a mixer for five. Let dough rise covered for one hour or until double in size (using a damp towel over it will help it rise).

Then roll out dough, see link, or read this paragraph I like to do two breads so you split the dough into four dough balls of the same size. Twiddle them out into long snakes about 50-60 cm. Lay two over each crossways exactly in the middle and bring them down to do a four way braid (outside one over two, back under one, repeat).

Once they are braided place on parchment paper on a cookie sheet. Cover and let rise another 30 minutes. Brush outside with egg yolk then place in cold oven. Turn on oven to 400 degrees Fahrenheit or 200 degrees Celsius. Let bake 35-45 minutes. Outside should be a dark brown (see picture above) and if you knock on it it should sound hollow.

Enjoy and I hope you moan a little too!

A Little Slice of Happiness-Out of Grief

I am fairly uninspired  this morning, but I have a thought I would like to share.  My mother passed away in August and then I quickly decided to take control of my life which included leaving a bad marriage. At the end of October my dear friend, who is twice my age (exactly), lost her husband.  We both loved these people more than is imaginable and they both suffered for years from illnesses that were slowly claiming their lives.  

My friend lives about 30 minutes from me.  Every Friday I pack a bag and drive to her house and spend the weekend with her.  I still venture out to my scheduled things, like a few hours of work on Saturdays and church on Sundays, but I am returning home to her house and we have breakfast and dinner together all the way until I leave on Monday morning for work. We watch movies and talk and we keep each other company during this time in our lives, which some might call lonely.  

It is my little slice of happiness and all of it came about because we lost the ones we loved.  I wrote a poem once when I was much younger it goes:

Alas the world is full of change and with it will come,

Love and Hate,

Happiness and Sorrow

Joy and Grief

No where where life is worth living does the world stop changing.

Everything I Need to Know I Learned in Math Class

I am a math tutor and I am attending school to be a math teacher. I hear more frequently than I would like, "When am I ever going to use this?"  My answer for most of them, NEVER!  Of course you won't need to know that x to the zero power is one.  Do you really think that as anything but a math, science, technology, or engineering major you will be evaluating equations using logarithms?  No!  So why are you tortured from beginning to end in Algebra II or Intermediate Algebra.  Algebra I is useful, you might use equations to find answers in any number of jobs, but beyond that, if you aren't pursuing a degree in finance and want to take business calculus, you won't need anything beyond Algebra in your everyday life.

Why are you tortured, well really I have no idea.  What I can tell you is you can get something out of it.  Here is why trucking through those math courses is useful:

Perseverance!  You want to quit, "do I really have to solve one more equation with the quadratic formula?!"  The answer is, no you don't, but if you want to succeed, pass and do well, you will.  Math teaches you to keep going, even when you want to give up.

Instant Gratification is a joke.  Math takes practice, math takes time, you have to work at it.  Life is like that.  We live in a world of instant gratification, we hardly have to take the time to do anything. Within your math class you learn that skill is not instantly attainable and you have to work hard to attain it and apply it.

Accountability.   Your answer isn't right, well why isn't it right, the book didn't get it wrong (sometimes it does, but rarely).  You made the mistake, you have to find out why and fix it.  This is how we should deal with life.  Fix our mistakes, don't expect others to do it for us. One small error can make everything wrong, math and life is about the details.

Those are just three things you can learn in math class; beyond that is the value of hard work, time management, problem solving, etc.  Math is a great teacher, the numbers and letters are just the beginning, look deep and you will find the real lessons you are being taught, whether you learn them is up to you.

Circadian Rhythm-How to Get a Good Night's Sleep

I spent my whole life oversleeping.  I would sleep through alarms and never even hear them.  I slept like a rock.When I was seven my brother tried to wake me in the middle of the night to say good bye as he left for college and I slapped him across the face.  I woke severely disappointed because I did not get to say good bye to him, but my whole family insisted that they had tried to wake me.  After I got married my husband said I would frequently push him away in my sleep or hit at him.  Friends had told me that I talk (they never tell me what I say).  So basically, trying to wake me is not easy.  It has been detrimental to my happiness, every morning was a battle and I was always running late or missing out on things entirely.

I have a theory and it was developed as I was sitting in the Burger King drive-thru with my sister and her four children.  Her three oldest were in the back making all kinds of racket and the radio was on and everyone was sounding off their orders, etc.  I turn back and the youngest is sound asleep with all that noise. LIGHTBULB!  I am the youngest of six children.  I was conditioned to sleep through large amounts of chaos,but I still had no idea how to fix it.

It was getting bad, I was coming into work late frequently, my boss thankfully loved me and suggested exercise, protein shakes, something to somehow induce wakefulness in the morning.  I did some online research.  I read a little about circadian rhythm and our internal clock and how melatonin is the key player in our sleep.  (not melanin!)  Melatonin is created when we are in the dark, and it tells our body to go to sleep.  That is why we get sleepy when the lights go out.

I am not an extremist that doesn't use light bulbs, but what I figured out has had a very big impact on my life.  Last September, I was sleeping at my friends house in the spare room.  At 7am I woke suddenly to see them entering the bathroom outside in the hall, the light was on.  I woke instantly.  Wait a minute, what woke me up, we know it wasn't noise? It was the light.  They turned the light on....I woke up. LIGHTBULB, literally!

Since then I have discovered that light wakes me up instantly.  So what did I do, I bought an alarm clock that lights up when it goes off, genius!  Now while this is important, I have also figured out a few other things.  So without further ado my tips for sleeping well and waking up rested:

Sleep in the dark.  My sister lives in Switzerland and they have shades on the outside of the windows that you can close from the inside that close up almost like armor and you no light comes in, I can sleep forever when I am there.  I have found that if I sleep with no artificial light, I sleep better.

Know how long you need to sleep.  I need seven hours, just seven....maybe seven and a few minutes.  You can't really find this out until you sleep in the dark, and let your body naturally wake you up.  I know I need seven, I know I can function with five and not be exhausted all day, and less than that, I might as well be a zombie.

Go to bed with an empty head.  Speaking of zombies....no you don't need a zombie to suck your brains out, but you need a pad of paper.  Don't go to bed with a million thoughts running around, make a list, write it down, dump it.  So you can rest easy, literally.

Go to bed on time.  You are not from Krypton, you are from Earth.  You have limitations, don't pack your day with so much that you are staying up too late and not waking up rested on a regular basis.  Learn how to say no, because you need your rest, you are not a pleasant person when you don't have it, I promise.  Sometimes, it happens.  I would even say once a week, but don't do it every day.

Induce your melatonin response.  If you know you need to be going to sleep soon, don't sit in front of the computer or the TV, chill in a semi-darkened room and relax, your body needs dark to start secreting the melatonin that will help you fall asleep and stay asleep.

 There are my tips!  I hope they help you be better rested each morning when you wake.

Overcoming my Shopping Addiction

Right now as I type there is an online sale at the Coach Outlet.  These are invitation only sales and they have them less than once a month.  70% off and I drool.  I look, I peruse, and decide I need a wristlet and I wrestle with which to buy.  Size, features, color, oh I really need one....I don't.  I don't need a wristlet!  Yes it would be convenient I could keep my personal things separate in my book bag...but is it really necessary.  I already managed to buy a new purse masquerading as a school bag and then found it too small and of course instead of returning it, I used it, but not before trying to sell it on ebay and make a few bucks.  I later managed to buy a new book bag, at 40% off of course,because I am after all a student and make less than $1200 a month, but I am still stuck in the years when I made $70,000 a year and could afford nearly every little thing I wanted.  Welcome to the recession.

Needless to say, I have learned to curb my shopping addiction, mostly through necessity.  See I could buy a wristlet and no, it wouldn't kill my budget because I hardly spend any money.  That is just it, I only buy what I need....Do I need a wristlet?  Heck no!  Over the last year I have taken some words of wisdom that have allowed me to choose when I spend my money; instead of being overcome by wanton desire for items I never even knew existed before I saw them. Ask yourself these three questions:

Do I need it?  Do I, do you?  90% of the time, No!  They only thing you need is food, shelter, and clothes, and maybe some other things to help you provide those needs.  So if you ask yourself if you need it, no justifications, that knocks most of those purchases out of the ballpark.

Can  I afford it?  This could get most people into a world of trouble, because yes you can.  Change your thinking to long term, not just how much available room you have on a credit card or money in your bank account. What is the opportunity cost of purchasing this?...you could be putting that money to your child's future or your own.

Is it practical?  What does practical mean?   Well you need mini questions here, will you use it, is it useful for a long time, in all seasons?  This is the most flexible of all the questions, because practicality is defined by how we live our individual lives.

So there you go the three questions that have helped me curb my shopping addiction and become a more frugal consumer in these tough economic times.  Use them well!

Grieving is a Long Process

I get dressed in the morning and I think of my mother.  I blow dry my hair and I think of my mother.  I eat and I think of my mother.  The days are slowly creeping to the 6 month mark of her death and I am no further through my grieving process.  Christmas Eve was the worst day of the last 6 months, I cried all morning.  I don't have children of my own, despite having 5 brothers and sisters and 12 nieces and nephews, I spent that morning alone.  I buried myself in the blanket that was my mothers and cried over the memories of every Christmas since I was a child.  How she made it so magical and it was always about the kids, never the adults.

I don't spend all day crying, I don't even cry every day or every week.  I do well up with tears at least twice a week, but I blink them back.  I do cry, I am crying now.  Her birthday approaches; one month from today, and I am afraid, am afraid it will be worse than Christmas Eve.  It was the last family celebration we had with her before she was admitted to a hospital and never came out again.

Before my mother passed I was depressed, severely depressed.  I had been for years and it was such a way of life that I didn't hardly realize the effect it was having on my life.  Losing her has snapped me out of that 10-15 year depression and I for the first time in years have an interest in truly bettering myself as a human being and the world around me.  So on a daily basis from moment to moment I would say I am happier since my mother died, but not because she died.  I miss her, my heart misses her and according to my father who lost his mother nearly 50 years ago, missing her will not diminish with time. This is a new way of life.